alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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