those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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