dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
