i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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