well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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