So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
