i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
