Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
