I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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