I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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