I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
