This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
