And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
