I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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