Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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