I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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