I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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