Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
