The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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