She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
