I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
