My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
