im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
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His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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