burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
