im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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