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also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
