Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Houston, we have a squirter
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got inside last night via doggy door
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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