if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
