You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
