Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
