Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
