literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please, let me fuck your mom
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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