I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
