Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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