Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
