she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
