good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
