I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
