Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
