I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
