You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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