I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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