I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
