is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
