i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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