Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
