If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
