Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
