Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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