ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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