Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
