If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
