My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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