I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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