Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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