I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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