1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
