I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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