Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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