dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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