i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
