She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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