i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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