Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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