I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
