She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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