new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
