Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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