my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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