Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
