How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
