You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
