3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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