That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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