I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
