So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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