this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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