and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
