Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
