i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
