Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
