I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
